Five possible reactions if Puget Sound area were alerted to an incoming North Korean cruise missile.
1 Hunker down in basement with Grandma’s Bible and Grandpa’s vintage 1951 civil defense manual “compiled exclusively for residents of the Puget Sound Country.”
2 Put mail and TNT subscription on hold, turn down thermostat, and change voicemail greeting. (“Sorry, I can’t pick up right now because I’m fleeing Armageddon.”)
3 Swing by Frisko Freeze, Pao’s Donuts and as many drive-up windows as you can get to, completely liberated from counting carbs.
4 Expect no help from state of Washington due to obscure 1983 law that bans state agencies from planning for nuclear attack.
5 Click heels together three times and wish yourself to Hawaii, where the alohas are real but the missile alerts are not.
And a bonus, end-of-the-world sixth spot!
6 Tell family you love them and will do all you can to protect them — but if they start exhibiting zombie behavior, it’s every man for himself.