The Five Spot: 5 things to do after receiving a cruise missile alert

Five possible reactions if Puget Sound area were alerted to an incoming North Korean cruise missile.

1 Hunker down in basement with Grandma’s Bible and Grandpa’s vintage 1951 civil defense manual “compiled exclusively for residents of the Puget Sound Country.”

2 Put mail and ​TNT ​subscription on hold, turn down thermostat, and change voicemail greeting. (“Sorry, I can’t pick up right now because I’m fleeing Armageddon.”)

3 Swing by Frisko Freeze, Pao’s Donuts and as many drive-up windows as you can get to, completely liberated from counting carbs.

4 Expect no help from state of Washington due to obscure 1983 law that bans state agencies from planning for nuclear attack.

5 Click heels together three times and wish yourself to Hawaii, where the alohas are real but the missile alerts are not.​

And a bonus, end-of-the-world sixth spot!

6 Tell ​family ​you love them​ and will do all you can ​to protect them — but if they start exhibiting zombie behavior, it’s every man for himself.

This story was originally published January 21, 2018 at 4:30 PM with the headline "The Five Spot: 5 things to do after receiving a cruise missile alert."