Opinion

Five ballot items that Washington voters sadly won’t see this year

What in tarnation is going on with the mountain goats being removed from Olympic National Park? Voters should demand a full accounting.
What in tarnation is going on with the mountain goats being removed from Olympic National Park? Voters should demand a full accounting. Seattle Times photo via AP

Five things we wish were on the Nov. 6 general election ballot.

1. A statewide advisory vote calling on the U.S. government to stop blindfolding and extracting mountain goats from Olympic National Park, which appears to be part of its extraordinary rendition program for domestic terrorists.

2. A City of Tacoma proposition establishing Oct. 8 as Indigenous People’s Day, Oct. 9 as Italian People’s Day and Nov. 22 as Indigenous People’s/European People’s Reconciliation Day (featuring a Thanksgiving buffet at Emerald Queen Casino).

3. A Town of Eatonville proposition, sponsored by the Washington Restaurant Association, officially changing the name of the town to Eatin’ ville.

4. A statewide initiative levying a tax on the largest non-carbon emitters of hot air, including political candidates, PACs and campaign consultants. (With an exemption for newspaper editorial boards.)

5. A Pierce County citizen initiative requiring that Councilwoman Pam Roach’s mouth be washed out with soap.

And a bonus sixth spot:

6. A state resolution requesting that Secretary of State Kim Wyman not only pay for ballot postage, but also give every active Washington voter a Tootsie Pop and an “I voted” sticker.

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