Carpool lane dummy users, this one’s for you! Five reasons they shouldn’t pay higher fines

Five reasons we hope the Legislature doesn’t pass a law imposing an extra $200 penalty on HOV lane fakeout artists who drive “with a dummy, doll or other human facsimile.”

1. Our freeways would be awfully boring without mannequins, skeletons, blow-up sex dolls or cutouts of President Trump’s screaming face fastened to a head rest.

2. It’s an unpatriotic attack on the spirit of American creativity. Like when NFL referees used to fine players for celebratory touchdown dances.

3. Loss of entertainment for the Washington State Patrol. Those poor troopers have to wear bow ties and deal with road ragers all day and night. Let ‘em have a good laugh and wacky pictures to post on Twitter.

4. It would cause a rash of traffic hazards (and roadside litter) as drivers throw dummies out car windows during high-speed police pursuits.

5. Nobody should be penalized for having a child-sized zombie doll in their car. Unless it’s not properly secured in a rear-facing child safety seat, of course.

This story was originally published April 26, 2019 at 2:54 PM.