In this week’s Five Spot – 5 things overheard at President Trump’s top-secret cabinet meeting on plans to buy Greenland.
1. “Jefferson got the Louisiana Purchase. Some other president got Florida. Why shouldn’t I get the world’s largest island? I want it! Can I have it, huh? Pretty please?”
2. “You know I don’t like the s***hole countries. But believe me, I love the icehole countries!”
3. “With Inslee gone and Greenland in our hands, nothing can stop us! Global warming will speed up, the ice sheets will melt beautifully and we’ll control the tremendous new Arctic shipping lanes! Moo ha ha ha!!” (Rubs tiny hands together diabolically.)
4. “Tell Denmark we’ll not only give ‘em Puerto Rico, we’ll toss in Washington state. Having two Washingtons is confusing for Americans anyway. Total disaster!”
5. “Strategic value? It’s amazing. I mean, can you imagine a northern Mar-a-Lago with a super classy viking theme?”