Grocery store traffic rules for coronavirus-era shoppers: First one-way aisles, then what?

Five more precautions that supermarkets should adopt from the transportation industry, now that some stores have switched to one-way aisle traffic.

1. Strictly enforced “no tailgating” rule. Customers must remain at least two shopping cart lengths behind for every 10mph they’re traveling. Scofflaws may be pulled over by Captain Crunch.

2. Double solid-yellow line to signify that passing is never allowed. And landscaped median strips to prevent dangerous turns at busy intersections.

3. “No Parking, Stopping or Standing” signs in paper products aisle. To deter lollygaggers with nothing better to do than wait for the next TP shipment to arrive.

4. Breakdown lane. Designated for carts with those annoying wheels that jam, slide sideways and squeak like a dying gerbil. Or for toddlers having an emotional breakdown in the produce department.

5. Aisle rage patrols. “We understand you’re upset that the hand sanitizer shelf is empty again, ma’am. But please calm yourself and put down that plunger.”

This story was originally published April 11, 2020 at 8:00 AM with the headline "Grocery store traffic rules for coronavirus-era shoppers: First one-way aisles, then what?."