The five spot: 5 unpublicized earthquake tips

From the editorial board

Five earthquake precautions that state and local emergency officials forgot to put in the safety manual:


1 Store plenty of extra water, batteries and Miracle-Gro for your basement marijuana operation.


2 Rehearse tsunami evacuation drill in which family members rendezvous on roof of Tacoma Dome.

3 Politicians caught in a quake while doorbelling for votes should politely ask to keep talking under a sturdy desk or table.


4 Check for anything in your neighborhood that might trigger an aftershock such as a hydraulic fracking drill, particle accelerator or Marshawn Lynch.


5 If driving on any of Pierce County’s many structurally deficient bridges, prepare to gallop like Gertie.