Election: Am I really so deplorably xenophobic?

I have had sleepless nights trying to determine if I am in a basket and, if so, what it is. I confess, xenophobia had me stumped. Do I have it? Is it contagious? Is it life-threatening?

The other phobias I understood and thankfully, I do not seem to be afflicted with any of them, but xeno? I asked all my friends: “Do I look like I have xeno?” They, too, were confused. “Do you break out in hives? Do you have a fever?”

Even my doctor did not know if I was suffering from xeno. I was asked by my specialist: ”Do you have a fear of strangers?” Since none I met was more fearful then he and what he might diagnose me with, I replied: “I might have.” Then he asked: “Do you fear foreigners?” Suddenly a light went on. I am happy. I definitely do not have that xeno thing. My diagnosis is complete.

What I have is an affliction that is very common these days called Hillaryphobia. I seem to have an allergy to the constant scandals and lies associated with Hillary Clinton. My doctor assures me it can be cured by a simple vote. What a relief.

This story was originally published September 20, 2016 at 10:02 AM with the headline "Election: Am I really so deplorably xenophobic?."