Korean heritage should be source of pride, Tacoma woman says. It’s amazing what being a mom can teach you

I hated my Korean name when I was growing up, but I’m determined my son will like his.

And since our family lived in South Korea for a couple years, at least he was exposed to Korean culture and language, an experience I never enjoyed as an adoptee growing up in predominantly white Middle America.

International adoption stories always seem to focus on the positives. Sad, abandoned orphans are matched with parents and everyone lives happily ever after.

But it seldom goes so seamlessly. I only became accepting of my Korean side when I was an adult. Since then I’ve always told myself that if I had kids I would teach them to be proud of their race, especially their name, from the beginning.

My husband and I actually met in Korea. I was working as a freelance journalist, he was in the U.S. military. He transferred to Kentucky. I followed. We married and had a son.

Luckily our Kentucky stint didn’t last long and we found ourselves once again posted in Korea. For our son and our lives, this was good karma.

We both wanted a Korean name for our son, but picking a name that sounded harmonious in both the American and Korean languages was tough. Some Korean names sound beautiful in Korean but harsh to American ears.

I didn’t want our son to be picked on like I had been for having a non-American name. Pronunciation was especially important. After I lived in Korea, I realized my parents had always mispronounced my Korean name.

I always felt embarrassed and unfortunately the dislike I had for my Korean name from a young age stuck. Knowing my parents never pronounced it correctly, I’m still not comfortable being identified that way.

I remember trying to be invisible growing up with my Korean name. Just wanting to fit in, I started using my American name. I spent a lot of time trying to blend into the background.

Now that I’m older, I’m more proud and accepting of the Korean side of me. After four years in Korea, I want my son to be able to have those feelings about his ethnicity from the start, beginning with his name. And it seems like he will.

His Korean side and Korean name were at the forefront during our time in Korea. Over there he was surrounded by Koreans from age 15 months to 3 years, an important time of self-awareness and learning.

Although my husband is Caucasian and our son is only half-Korean, he looks Asian and probably will identify as such. And that will be such a great feeling and so important for him to be proud of his ethnicity. It’s especially important that he spent time where he was part of the racial majority.

In Korea, children are considered the greatest gift, and it showed. All Koreans, no matter what age, treated our son like their own. They fawned over him at the park, waved and smiled, or helped him if he ran over to them and fell over on his too-large feet.

And when they asked his name, we proudly told them. But more often than not we needed to repeat it several times. Sometimes I just pointed upwards and said: “Sky: Ha Neul,” very slowly.

Finally they understood: “Ah,” the light went on, and they pronounced it correctly.

Lisa Schroeder of Tacoma is a retired journalist, a full-time parent and part-time writer. Reach her at lischro@gmail.com or on Twitter @schroedli.