Coronavirus coping advice from a reluctant expert in the department of sorrow
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Full disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, but I know grief when I see it. In the span of five years, I’ve lost four close family members, one of them my beautiful daughter Kate, who died of breast cancer last April at age 27.
Call me a reluctant expert in the department of sorrow. Like others who’ve experienced trauma and deep loss, I move about the world looking “normal” on the outside, but on the inside, I feel anything but.
When the adrenaline caused by this national emergency starts to wane and the novelty of staying home in PJs wears thin, the seismic social shift caused by the novel coronavirus will give us all a crash course in grief and shock.
Look up the recipe for depression and see “sudden onset of prolonged isolation combined with anxiety over an uncertain future.“
Yep, that’s all of us.
Psychologically, it’s akin to living inside a horror movie, and we’re the stupid kids who decide to check out the strange noise coming from the basement.
This anxiety is only exacerbated by empty shelves in the grocery stores, worry over loved ones working on the front lines of health care and the sudden spike in unemployment.
All of which took a backseat Wednesday to the news we received from the Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department — the first Pierce County death tied to COVID-19.
And then there’s the cold, hard reality that some of us could run out of toilet paper.
As someone who’s been swimming in anxious waters and somehow adapted, I feel equipped to offer some advice:
Live in the present moment. It sounds trite when written on a T-shirt, but being in the “here and now” is the best psychological survival tactic there is. It’s a habit that was installed in me by necessity. Kate’s bleak prognosis didn’t allow us to speak comfortably of the future. For two years we stayed centered on what “this day” could bring. And we did our darndest to make most of them good.
Work is also grounding. Sure, your body is going to want to fling itself on the couch and binge watch episodes of “Project Runway.” That’s OK. We all need distractions, but we also need the nourishment that only purpose can provide. So get up and create something, anything.
Keeping busy is the key to surviving any severe emotional strain. With the help of YouTube, I taught myself how to crochet a scarf that somehow turned into an oddly shaped afghan, but the point is my effort temporarily kept my mind occupied, giving me a break from the “shoulda’s,” as in “it shoulda been different.”
Pierce County YMCA just announced it’s offering free online fitness classes. Take them. Move your body, however you can; nature has no better antidepressant than exercise.
A continuous stream of alarming details surrounding COVID-19 will wreak havoc on your adrenal system and could compromise your immune system. Know when to take a break from the news. You want to keep information high but emotions low.
Otherwise, things could get weird. Not weird like jumpy Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” weird – but weird as in the pizza stain on your sweatpants is three days old.
Social distancing means no more physical contact, but kindness knows no barriers. There’s power in an encouraging text or a social media message. Use that power for good.
Few of us are able to give at the level of Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson and his entertainer wife Ciara — they just partnered with Feeding America to donate one million meals to needy Seattle families — but most of us are able to give something.
Call to check in on a neighbor or friend, shop for someone who can’t, and when you see something good, say something. Use The News Tribune’s easy online portal to share good-neighbor stories.
Take comfort knowing that all levels of government are working tirelessly on our behalf. No matter their partisan stripe, government and public health officials are rowing in the same direction now. And I know for a fact that dedicated local journalists are making sure they do.
We’re going to feel the pain of this global pandemic no matter what our circumstance, but we don’t have to take it sitting down. We can get up. Walk. Create. Reach out. Take a breath. Ask for help.
I wouldn’t have made it through my darkest days without the help of strangers, friends, family and community.
It’s how I survived the unthinkable, and it’s how you will, too.