So New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady joins Twitter? Here are 5 rules he should follow

Dear @TomBrady

I see you’ve joined Twitter .... and on of all days, April 1. You may be getting some advice from your more famous and verified followers. Well, I’m not verified (VERIFY ME YOU COWARDS) but I do follow you on Twitter and so I want to offer my advice on how you can be successful. So, follow these five rules and you probably won’t fumble it:

Lean into the jokes

There are a lot of things that people will give you crap about on Twitter; Being a sixth-round pick, the “Tuck Rule”, “Spygate”, “Delfategate”, and being replaced by Drew Henson while you were at Michigan. Make fun of that stuff, trust me. It works. And I see you’re doing it now, so that’s a good start.

Your opinions are your own, keep it that way

Everybody has an opinion and often times we as a society take our opinions to the worst place on Earth, the internet. You may have a good opinion, like you pour the cereal first and then the milk comes second. Then you may have a bad opinion or so something like putting a certain hat in your locker on display for everybody to see. You know the one I’m talking about.

So my best advice is that if you have an opinion, don’t let it out. You save yourself some time and a whole lot of trouble.

Post and don’t read your mentions

Want to know another time saving tool and a way to keep your mind at ease? Then don’t read your mentions. It’s that tab when you can see who’s following you and decided to include you in a tweet or replying to a tweet. Most of the time it can be good but in your case, you’re a high-profile celeb on the NFL’s most polarizing team. You are better off posting and not engaging with trolls.

They have settings to where you can only interact with the people you follow. Also, if you decide to not follow this advice then you can use the block and mute buttons. Trust me, it’s a life saver.

Find your “segment” of Twitter and embrace it

In all reality, Twitter is one enormous lunch room that never shuts down. We all have our own table or tables that we stick to and don’t venture towards others if you don’t know how to approach them. For example, I successfully get to parts of “sports”, “wrestling”, “music”, “movies and TV” Twitter. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of interests and you’ll find something you like on Twitter and you won’t have to feel ashamed of it. It makes being on Twitter fun some times.

Gifs are your friend, use them

Nothing enhances a good conversation like a nice Twitter gif. Want to gain followers and not be boring like your head coach, use the gifs. I’ll even start you on a few that you should use.

Homer Simpson leaving

Anything from Anchorman is a winner too.

I’m sure you’ll find some that you can use eventually.