Five additions to Santa Claus’ naughty list this year.
1. Porch pirates. The Tacoma-Seattle area ranks sixth in the U.S. for lily-livered scallywags stealing holiday packages from doorsteps. Make ‘em walk the plank, Santa! With a salty “yo ho!” and a hearty “ho, ho, ho!”
2. Cyberbullies. Especially that Tacoma woman who wrote cruel things about a disabled child’s family Christmas photo on Facebook. There’s not enough coal in the world for her stocking, even if President Trump revives the coal industry.
3. The Bad Santa who was caught on film (but not in person) trying to break into a Gig Harbor ATM machine. Truly the black sheep of the Kringle clan.
4. Russian election hackers, troll farmers and other disrupters of democracy. Also, Michael Cohen. Thanks to him, the term “bagman” no longer conjures merry images of St. Nick on Christmas Eve.
5. Anyone who would kidnap the main character from a nativity scene. What kind of world do we live in where “Baby Jesus theft” has its own Wikipedia page?